Broken Dreams
by WorldsColliding
Summary: Sequel to Changing Hearts. DO NOT READ UNTIL AFTER YOU HAVE READ CHANGING HEARTS!
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

I loved a goil once. She meant everything to me. She loved me back. We were, as everyone put it, the perfect couple. She was exceptionally beautiful, like an angel. I was rugged, a street rat, but very handsome to all the other goils in the world. I didn't want anyone but her. And I thought she felt the same way. After everything we had been through, I thought we would never leave each other again. I was wrong.

Part 1: The Breaking Begins

She stared at me, waiting for my response. My breathing grew heavy, rapid. How? How on earth could she do this to me? Me? Spot Conlon? After everything we had been through. Her expression was emotionless, her eyebrows raised. She had been telling the truth. I could tell. I knew her better than anyone. She really didn't love me anymore. I loved her. But did I love her enough to let her go?

"If… t-that's… what you want, Carter," I said breathlessly, staring deep into her eyes, hoping to find SOME ounce of the love we had shared left. There was nothing.

"It is," she answered blankly. I tried to smile, tried to make it look like it was easy. I nodded several times, trying to remember how to speak. She looked away and stared at the bridge, folding her arms across the chest.

"Of course I'll always love you… in a way… but I think it would be healthier for us if we saw other people, not just each other."

I continued nodding. I barely noticed anything I did. I felt numb, entirely numb. I couldn't open my mouth to speak. I think I swallowed my tongue.

"So this is goodbye," she said turning back to smile faintly at me. That's when I saw her falter. A flash of pain crossed her face as she smiled weakly. But it was gone so fast I was sure I had imagined it. I was lying to myself if I thought that she still cared about me in that way.

"Bye," I managed to gasp. She leaned forward and kissed my lips tenderly one last time. I wanted to grip her hair and keep her faced pressed against mine for all eternity but I had to be strong and let her go. Too soon, she pulled away and then she kissed my cheek and then turned around and began to walk away. She didn't even look back.

I stared after her long after she was out of my sight. I wanted to run after her, get down on my knees and beg her to come back, beg her to stay with me. I wanted her. I _needed _her. Catherine Jane Bailey please don't do this to me!!! I felt the tears sting my eyes; I felt my heart start to hurt every time it beat. I was short on breath, I couldn't think. This was a whole new kind of pain, and I thought I knew pain fairly well. I dropped to my knees; my legs couldn't hold my weight any longer. I fell to my side, and then I curled up into a fetal position. And I sobbed. I sobbed hard. Tears streamed down my face as I screamed her name over and over again. I didn't care who heard me. There was nothing left to live for. And I couldn't stand it.

(At the Lodging House)

"Where is Spot?" Tide said nervously looking at the clock.

"I knew it! He and Carter are having-"

"THEY ARE NOT HAVING SEX!!!" everyone else screamed at Snake.

"Well why else would he be so late?" Snake defended himself.

"Maybe something came up," Factory said timidly.

The other newsies looked nervously from one to another. What could've come up that was causing Spot to be so late?

"I'm going to go look for him," Felix said standing and grabbing his hat.

"I'm coming with you," Factory said replied sprinting out the door before anyone could say anything else could say anything.

They called for him. They yelled his name and searched all over for him. It wasn't until around midnight that they found him, lying on the ground curled up in a ball, tears falling silently down his face.

"SPOT!" Factory screamed running towards him. He didn't move.

I barely heard Factory as he screamed my name. I was barely aware of anything. All I could think about was the excruciating pain that was flowing through me like a current. Every now and then I would let out a moan of agony. I couldn't move. I didn't want to live.

"Spot!" Factory ran over to me and placed a hand on my cheek, before shaking my shoulder lightly.

"Spot, Spot, it's ok! We're here," he grabbed my hand and tugged, trying o get me to stand. I didn't budge.

"Come on, Spot," Felix grabbed my arm and pulled me off the ground and then put my arm around his neck and helped me walk. My feet dragged without me even being aware of it. Factory tried to help but there wasn't much he could. There wasn't anything anyone could do. I had lost all reason to live. I wished that Factory and Felix had left there to die. I wanted to die. My heart had been torn into millions of pieces. There wasn't anything anyone could do now. But when have I ever cared about myself? If this was what Carter wanted, than I would let her go. I didn't care about my happiness, as long as she was happy, than my happiness didn't matter. I just wish it wouldn't hurt so badly.

My breathing grew exceptionally ragged, it became harder and harder to breathe. My lungs would not take in air, and when I did breathe, it felt like a thousand tiny pins were piercing my heart and lungs. I coughed every now and then, trying to get air either out or in. Felix looked very worried about me and Factory looked like he was about to cry seeing me in such pain. I wondered what my expression looked like. I probably looked dead since that was the way I felt. I felt like I was the living dead.

They dragged me into the lodging house and when all the other newsies saw me, they all jumped forward and tried to help me. Eventually, they helped me into a chair at the front of the room. But I didn't stay in it. I dropped to the floor and simply laid there, my face to the floor.

"So… how did the date go?" Snake asked awkwardly.

"Oh it was great," I said in a very shaky agonized voice, "We went to dinner, took a walk, and then she reached into my chest and ripped my heart out and then trampled it into thousands of pieces."

All the newsies exchanged looks as they understood what I meant.

"Oh… so she…" Tide started

"She broke up with me," I finished for him.

All the newsies started to yell and protest about it.

"How could she? You two were perfect! You were PERFECT!" Cart screamed.

I let them scream at each other, at me, I let them say whatever they wanted. I never responded. I closed my eyes and tried to drown them out. It didn't matter anymore that we were the perfect couple. She didn't want me anymore. Hard to believe that only several months earlier I had fallen off the Brooklyn Bridge and saved her from marrying a man she hated with a burning passion. We were in love then. But not anymore. And as my newsies argued and protested, silent tears began to fall down my cheeks. How would I live?


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2: Possibilities

(3 months later)

_I held her close to me after Mr. Bailey left. I refused to let her go. I kissed down her cheek, her neck and then I kissed her lips. She kisses me back, and I knew without a doubt that she loved me, and that she would always love me. When she pulled away, we stared lovingly into each other's yes. We had won. At least that's what I thought. She smiled at me, but her smile slowly faded and her brow furrowed and she had a look on her face that suggested that she was thinking. _

"_Wait…" she said a little nervous._

"_What's wrong?" I asked putting a finger under her chin so she could look at me._

"_That was too easy. My dad has NEVER given up anything without putting up a very large fight. He would never hand me over to you so easily."_

_I understood what she meant. If he was so intent on getting the money Cal's marriage to Carter had to offer, than why did he let it go so easily? It didn't seem to be in character. He didn't care about Carter in the least. He had been planning this whole thing for years, why would he give it up now when he was so close? But I didn't want to think about it now. If Mr. Bailey was planning something, then I knew that Carter and I would be able to get out of it. Today proved it. _

"_Let's not worry about it now," I whispered adoringly to her while placing my forehead against hers. "We're together, that's what matters. We'll make it through this. I know we can." _

_She smiled at me and then we kissed again. And in the moments when our lips were free, she whispered, "I love you."_

My eyes shot open as her last words rang in my head, 'I love you.' It had been only 5 months ago when I saved her from her marriage. But it seemed like years to me now. And only a few months ago she had told me she didn't want me anymore. She told me that we should see other people, that it wasn't "healthy" for us to be so "obsessed" over each other. It didn't matter to me. All I knew was that every night so far I've been crying myself to sleep and when I finally do get to sleep, I dream about her. There was a part of me that wanted to believe that she still loved me. That maybe her father was behind all of this and he forced her to say those things to me. But I knew Carter better than anyone. I can tell when she lies. And she wasn't lying.

I got up off the bed and looked at the time. 4:30 in the morning. I ran a finger through my light brown hair and then stood up and put my pants on. I put my shirt on, but I didn't button it up. I didn't care at the moment.

I went out and walked down the docks, trying to keep my mind off of her. I admit it was difficult. Brooklyn held far too many memories of her. But somehow I'd have to live.

I shoved my hands into my pockets and tried to think. Wasn't working out too well. I stopped at the end of the docks and looked at the bridge, remembering when I first took her across it to see Jack and his newsies. I smiled to myself before continuing to walk. Somehow I'd have to get over Carter. She didn't want me anymore. I had to accept that. But how on earth was I going to do that? I loved her with every fiber of my being. She was my whole world. I loved her more than anything. How was I going to get over her? She told me that we should see other people. Could I find another goil? Could I find someone who could make me feel the way Carter did? Because if she didn't want me anymore… maybe... I should at least look… But could I do that to myself? Date another goil? Was I even ready to? I gripped my hair in my hands, trying to keep myself from crying and breaking down. I felt shudder after shudder ripple through me. Why was this so hard?

"Are you ok?" a sweet voice came from behind me.

I spun around and saw to my amazement, a goil about the age of 16 standing there. She was pretty enough, but nowhere near as beautiful as Carter. Her hair was ebony and perfectly straight and it only went to her shoulders. Her skin was tan and her eyes were green. She had a pleasant smile, and a perky look on her face. She seemed nice enough.

"No," I answered honestly.

"You're… you're…" her eyes widened as she saw who I was.

"I'm?"

"You're Spot Conlon!" she said smiling wide enough to show the top row of her teeth.

"Yea, I know," I said looking down at the ground.

"What are you doing here?"

"It's my turf, ain't it?" I said a little coldly.

She smiled apologetically.

"I meant what are you doing here so late?"

"I could ask you the same thing," I said putting my hands back in my pockets.

"I like taking early morning walks," she said walking past me to lean against the dock rails. "The moon, the stars, everything is so quiet and peaceful. It's a good time to just simply think."

I smiled mostly to myself.

"Well you know my name, but I don't know yours," I said following her and leaning against the rail as well.

She turned to look at me and smile.

"It's Lucy. Lucy Miller."

I smiled back at her. Well Carter, this was what you wanted. I might as well take advantage of it. But the chances of me finding someone who meant as much to me as Carter did were very low. I didn't care how many pretty goils there were in New York. None of them could make me feel the way Carter did. And I realized as I started to try out this "new life" of mine, I realized I wasn't only lying to myself as I tried to find another goil, I was lying to the goil as well. I made her think I loved her the way she loved me. But no matter what I did, I could never mean it, no matter how hard I tried. Several weeks later I wanted to be able to tell Lucy she was great. I wanted to tell her that I was a lucky boy to have her as a goilfriend, but I could never mean it. I hated doing this to myself. And I hated doing that to Lucy, even though she didn't know it. She thought I loved her. And I tried to, I really did. But I could never mean it. No goil in all of New York could make me mean it anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3: New Life

"But Spot, WHY?!?" Lucy pleaded for answers.

It was early in the morning. I was leaning my back against the side of the building, hands in pockets, a picture of ease. Surprisingly, it was a million times easier to be the one who was breaking up with the boyfriend or goilfriend. And I guess that my false feelings for her had something to do with it as well. I had never loved her in that way in the first place, so why should it be hard to say I didn't love her anymore?

"I told you Lucy, I'm just not feeling it anymore. I mean you're a good friend and all but I just don't think we're meant for each other."

"But Spot…"

"Lucy, please. This is already hard enough as it is. You'll find someone else. You're a pretty goil and you've got a great personality. But I'm just not the one for you. You deserve better."

"But this will ruin…" she clasped her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide.

"Ruin what?" I did NOT like how she suddenly stopped herself from finishing the sentence.

"Ruin… our… dinner plans!" she said trying to cover up whatever it was she was about to say.

I raised an eyebrow. We didn't even have dinner plans. I folded my arms across my chest, and gave her the look that said, 'I'm waiting for the real answer.'

"I made plans for us to go out to eat tonight…" she twiddled her fingers nervously.

Oh yea right. I knew people too well. I could tell she was hiding something.

"So cancel the reservations. I'm not feeling it anymore, Lucy. I'm sorry."

I was now thinking that breaking up with her was going to be a smart thing to do. She simply nodded and tried to look sad again. Now it seemed like she was just trying to keep herself from giving anything away. And now I just wanted to get as far away from her as possible.

"Bye Lucy," I said turning and walking away.

"Bye," she breathed, trying to sound upset. She wasn't fooling me anymore. What were these plans that would be ruined?

Carter's POV

I sat on the windowsill, wearing my mother's old silk nightgown. It was white and flowed all around me like moonlight. It was beautifully made and it used to belong to my grandmother before it belonged to my mother. I held my cream colored blanket around me. It seemed like ever since I ripped everything I had to live for apart, I was always cold and I had to have blanket after blanket on me. I would shiver uncontrollably, even with all the extra layers. I didn't want to break up with Spot, it just sort of happened. My dad had convinced me that our love was irrational and getting a little out of control. He said that we were too young to be so passionately in love with each other, that I should date other men and see what I like in a guy. Of course that all had no meaning after my father told me that I would once again be getting married. He had arranged yet another marriage, and this time, Spot wouldn't be coming to my rescue. The wedding day was a very long ways away, though, since my fiancé was away on business. I had never even met the man before. My father assured me that it was a good match, and that I would be happy. Of course I had to believe him since I could no longer count on my love for Spot. And as I thought about the young man I had loved for months, tears streamed down my face. Of course I still loved him. I loved him with all my heart. But my father knew a thing or two about relationships, and even Mr. and Mrs. Ganderson said that it was a good idea for me to break up with him and go after someone else. When I thought about it, Spot was still a boy, and being a newsie didn't exactly pay very well. He could barely take care of himself. Sure he was strong, and perfect, and he was a good leader and had all the other qualities that the "King of Brooklyn" had to have but he wouldn't have been able to take care of a family, let alone take care of a wife. I internally kicked myself for thinking that. Spot wasn't going to stay a newsie all his life. None of them ever did. They always left and grew up to be wonderful men. Why should Spot be any different? I remembered how much I wanted my name to be Catherine Jane Conlon, and I realized I still wanted it to be that. I couldn't picture my name as anything different. And I most definitely could NOT picture my name becoming Catherine Jane _Smith_. I shuddered at the name. Thank goodness Cal was in jail. I hugged my knees close to my chest and laid my ear on it. I wish I hadn't broken up with Spot. I loved him more than anything. I wanted him back.

Mrs. Ganderson entered the room just then, carrying a tray of hot oatmeal and some rolls with butter.

"Here's your breakfast darling," she said handing me the tray.

"Mrs. Ganderson?" I asked uneasily.

She raised her eyebrows and smiled, waiting for me to continue.

"I… I miss him," I said looked down at my feet, trying to hide my face with my hair. Mrs. Ganderson pulled my hair back behind my ear and lifted my head up until I met her gaze.

"I know, hon, I know. I miss him too. For the life of me I can' understand why your father doesn't like him."

I shrugged, wishing that Spot would appear out of nowhere like he usually did with his surprise visits. I remembered how happy it made me when he would come and give me a kiss and we'd do whatever we felt like doing. Half the time, it was just us sitting on this windowsill together talking or better yet, kissing and holding each other tightly. I longed for his strong tan arms around me again. I wished I could see his beautiful perfect face and run my fingers through his gorgeous hair and kiss his delicious soft and warm mouth. A few more tears fell as I remembered all that he went through to make sure I didn't have to marry Cal.

"But I guess your father does make a point," Mrs. Ganderson continued. "You two are so young, and you're both each other's first love. He may not be all that you thought he was. You should try other boys before you make your decision."

"What decision? I'm getting married, remember?"

Mrs. Ganderson's face fell as I pointed this out. She sighed and put a hand under my chin and smiled at me.

"I hope you can forgive me one day," she whispered so softly that I wasn't sure she had even said anything. Then she got up and walked out of the room. I ate my breakfast slowly, contemplating what she said. Even if we were young, even if we had never loved anyone else before we met, it didn't matter to me. He was the only one I would be able to love. I hope my future husband can forgive me for not loving him the way I should.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4: Heartache

Spot's POV

What sort of surprised me was that after three weeks, I went through 4 different goils, each one more shallow and pig-headed than the next. So far, I couldn't find anyone in Brooklyn that could fill up the empty space in my chest where my heart was supposed to be. And my newsies started noticing. It was Tide who started to talk to me about how I had suddenly become what the other's called a "womanizer." Naturally I denied him and said I was just having a hard time with this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. He raised an eyebrow and said, "You mean you're having a hard time getting over Carter."

For some unfathomable reason, that struck a nerve. I had tried as hard as I could to push Carter into the dark remnants of my mind where the I kept the beginning parts of my childhood and now that I had finally gone one day without thinking about her, Tide had to go and bring her back into my focus.

"There's nothing left of me and Carter," I hissed. I glared menacingly at him and he leaned back slowly.

"Whoa man, I didn't mean to-"

"Just save it," I stood and walked away, resisting the impulse to hit him. The next newsie I encountered was Felix. He started to tell me the same thing, but this time I simply ignored him and walked away. He looked after me, hurt that I had behaved so rudely. I didn't really care at this point. I shoved my hands into my pockets, balled up in fists. Maybe that would keep me from punching someone. Then Cart tried to talk to me (I yelled something fierce at him) then Snake (I was about ready to rip my hair out) then my poor little "brother" Factory. He managed to get me to listen for about 10 minutes before I yelled at him too. And the yelling was the worst for him. By the time I was done, he was close to tears. I ran off, trying my best to keep myself under control. I could feel the empty space in chest ripple and shudder and I tried desperately to keep myself from falling apart.

Why? Why couldn't I get over this? Why did I just yell at my friends and what would probably the closest thing I would ever have to a brother? Most of all, what was WRONG with me? I couldn't stop trying to find some other goil! I knew! I KNEW that I would NEVER find someone that could make me feel the way Carter did. But even if that was so, why couldn't I just MOVE ON for God's sake! I clutched my head and leaned against the building. It had started to rain and I could feel more shudders go through me. Why did this have to be so damn difficult? The word surprised me as I thought it. I haven't sworn in a while, thanks to Carter. To think it now after about a year felt strange. But I didn't care at the moment. I could scream right now for all I cared. In fact…

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

I admit it felt good, just screaming to the sky. That's one way to let out anger I guess. I spun around and punched the wall before clutching my head again and stumbling back. And of course, now I had a headache to add to my annoyances. My life was like a living hell now.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Oh God I was NOT in the mood to have some goil come and comfort me right now. I looked in the direction of the voice and tried my hardest not to glare at the petite blond in front of me.

"No," I said through clenched teeth.

"Can I-"

"No, there's nothing you can do."

She flinched back at my tone and lowered her gaze, hurt.

"I'm… sorry," she said a light blush on her cheeks.

I rolled my eyes and told her I was sorry for yelling at her.

Weird.

Most of the times when I find another goil to date it started out like something like this. Maybe I was becoming a womanizer. Charlotte now made the fifth goil in three weeks. But how else was I supposed to find another goil if I didn't look? At least that was the excuse I gave myself. For some reason, I couldn't say that to my boys. I simply told them to take a hike and then I tried hard not to hit them. What was wrong with me?

Carter's POV

"Carter, darling, good news!" Bridget came running up the stairs to meet me on the landing. It had been a while since I had seen Bridget. It felt good to see her again. When she reached me, she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I smiled at her as we walked up the rest of the stairs to my room.

"What's the good news?" I asked as we sat down across from each other and I looked at the large diamond ring on her left hand. I had to admit, I was jealous that her and Frankie had been married for about 8 months. But the look on her face drew my attention and I raised an eyebrow with a curious look on my face.

"There is two things. One, I'm pregnant."

I squealed and jumped forward to hug her.

"And two, Mother has told me that Daniel Jones is arriving in a week. You're going to meet your fiancé!"

I admit that surprised me. I hadn't expected to be meeting him so soon. I managed to fake a smile for her and say, "that's wonderful!" without her suspecting anything. Then she told me she had to go and she left. I didn't know how I was going to tell Daniel that I could never love him. But I had to make sure he knew. I hope he can forgive me.


End file.
